Greg's Dude Ranch Tale

From "No Way" to Cowboy

The Greenhorn Creek Guest Ranch is a place where the American Cowboy has been preserved and surely will for years to come. This is a place where elaborate chaps, dingly spurs, and oversized cowboy hats are the norm. Long beards, old hats and horses are in.

Our cabin was tiny but serviceable. As the sun rose in the morning the room was filled with a thousand points of light but the water was hot and the floor was dry. While the rooms were small the meals, the land, the animals and the hospitality were big.

Upon arriving we were given our Howdy buttons. We wrote our name on the buttons and were warned that failure to wear the Howdy button was grounds for a Cowboy Swirly. The Cowboy Swirly would be a threat that carried throughout the week.

My Horse

In a brief safety lecture we were reminded of the power of the horse and were introduced to their thought process. With 10 minutes under our belts we were taken to the matchmaker who would hand select the only horse we would ride all week long. A Wrangler quizzed us in order determine both the experience and temperament of the rider. And then they would disappear around a corner to return with our trail mate.

I was assigned to Sarge. Sarge was noted for his four white socks and his attitude of superiority. I must say that he did a good job of intimidating me. I was presented with the stirrups which seemed practically eye level and well beyond my legs' range of motion and promptly split my pants.

I felt guilty burdening my strong gelding with all those extra pounds that I carry around. Sarge didn't seem to mind as long as he was in charge. As the week went on we would bond. Well to be clear, I'm sure that I bonded to him but not so sure the feeling was mutual. One evening after a two-ride day, I went down to the corral to visit Sarge after hours. I picked him out eating his dinner in the pasture and waved hello. He looked over, never missing a chew and seemed uninterested and yet I held my ground.

After finishing the pile of hay in front of him he came over and put a gallon of urine in my general direction. Was he bonding? No, I didn't think so either. By week's end, however, we certainly had a few moments. I'm not sure if it was increasing respect for my riding skills or the increasingly frequent snacks I smuggled out of the Chuck House. But we would ultimately work in harmony and shared a special nuzzle when we said goodbye.

The Fun

The staff did a good job of planning evening activities. There was fishing in the early evenings, volleyball, poker, Kareoke and the highlight: frog racing.

After our Rodeo, we played a game of Cowboy Softball. It was Staff against Guests. Of course, two thirds of the Guests were kids and two thirds of the staff was in their teens or twenties! The corral doubled as a baseball field with an ultra short left field porch. To the applause of a few, the Guests ultimately lost by only one run. But the story wasn't the game.

The story was the attitude. After a week of threats, as the game ended four of the staff Wranglers came charging out of the corral after the final pitch with lasso's swirling above their heads. They ultimately roped three kids who they had been playfully threatening all week. The Wranglers yelled "Cowboy Swirly" and bubbled over with excitement.

Once captured the victim was led to the horses' water trough and held upside down while their hair was slowly dipped and swirled in the green horse swill that was good enough for a thirsty horse, but not for any city boy. While most adults distanced themselves from the kids receiving the punishment, I boldly jumped to the defense of one and the Cowboys instantly forgot about the kids and set their sites on me.

While Scottie watched in horror, Kevin quickly retreated out of the corral (I'll remember that), six experienced cowboys introduced me to a new kind of hot tub. I was proud to have taken at least one Wrangler in with me. This was one day when my matching green shorts and shirt seemed extra appropriate!

The Goodbyes

The Greenhorn staff is focused on delivering a good time centered around the gorgeous country they call home. The common dining tables and activities assured that we would meet a lot of nice people and go from strangers to friends in six short days.

This vacation was not my first choice, but I would quickly return for a week of pretending to be a cowboy. Yip yip yippeeeee.

Greg Harris

August 22, 2004